I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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