if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
