yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dignity is for republicans.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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