do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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