i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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