Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
