you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
