Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
