im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
