So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize