she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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