i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
