Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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