I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
