shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
