just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
