your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
