my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
