Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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