Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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