Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
