I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
