Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
