I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I currently don't understand fingers.
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