I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
