you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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