you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just made out with a guy for $7.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
