Jerry, you need to find god
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize