I want to have your abortion
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
