Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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