She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
