why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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