Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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