I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
