you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
