even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
