Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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