His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
