he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
