I want you more than these girls want KFC
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
