Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
