we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
either way he was missing a nipple.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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