I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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