I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
