I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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