OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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