I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
