It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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