Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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