At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
