for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
