NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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