1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize