YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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