I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
