she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
