you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
