I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize