Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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