So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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