he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We talked him into tasing himself.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
