Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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