She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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