I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
