i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
