toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
