you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
