he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
