yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
