You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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